Mixed Episodes: A (Bipolar) Song of Ice and Fire
Imagine your brain has decided to throw a party. Mania appears in a glittery jacket, talking too loud and rearranging the furniture. Depression is in the corner, draped in black, whispering that everythingâs pointless. And here you are, stuck in the middle, trying to make tea while the house is on fire and somehow flooding.
Thatâs a mixed episode. Itâs when symptoms of mania or hypomania and depression crash into each other like emotional tectonic plates. And for many of us, it’s far more brutal than experiencing either individually.
What It Feels Like
Iâve heard it called âdepression with energyâ before, but that phrase doesnât quite capture its gnawing chaos for me. One person described it as âpure dirty energyâ, a phrase that I instantly identified with. Another said it was like âbeing on fire from the inside out while drowning.â That sounds dramatic – until youâve lived it.
Here are some of the more common themes people with bipolar share when trying to explain the strange cocktail of a mixed state:
- Restless, agitated, and raw: Your body buzzes as if plugged into the mains. You might pace, flap, pick at your skin, or lie curled in bed while your limbs scream to move. One person said it felt like their bones were vibrating – and not in a spiritual way.
- The worst of both worlds: You feel deeply hopeless, yet fizzing with rage. A TV being slightly too loud might make you scream. Your brain spins with racing thoughts, but theyâre cruel thoughts – âYouâre useless,â âWhatâs the point?â âWhy are you even here?â with no respite!
- Mood flips like a dodgy light switch: Crying at a toothpaste advert in the morning. Furious at the cat by lunchtime. Feeling nothing at all by dinner. Rinse, repeat.
- Paranoia and feeling âcracked outâ: One Redditor said their thoughts got so fast and fractured it felt like theyâd snorted chaos. Not everyone experiences psychosis in mixed states, but for those who do, it can be terrifying – voices, shadowy thoughts, or that eerie sense that reality is slipping through your fingers.
- Exhausted but canât sleep: Even when youâre worn to the marrow, sleep wonât come. Or if it does, itâs light, jagged, and full of disturbing dreams. The body is running a marathon while the mind keeps tripping over itself.
And then thereâs the darker part. Because having all this wild, impulsive energy – and depressive thought content – is a dangerous combo. Some people report suicidal thoughts becoming more vivid and urgent in a mixed state. The impulsivity of mania doesnât cancel out the despair of depression. It just gives it legs.
So What Actually Helps?
Let me start with this: thereâs no perfect solution. But there are things that people find grounding, calming, and survivable. And often, surviving is the win.
Hereâs what others (and I) have found helpful:
đ Create a calm bunker
If you can, retreat to somewhere quiet. A dark room. A favourite chair. A warm bath. Tell a friend whatâs happening – even if all you can manage is, âIâm having a bad bipolar day. Can you just check in later?â
One person online said they turn on low reggae music and lie under a weighted blanket. Another uses their cat like a living hot water bottle. Sensory comfort canât fix it, but it can take the edge off.
đ Stick with your meds
This is not the time to go rogue. Mixed episodes often mean medication isnât working as it should – but the answer is not to stop it cold. Keep taking your meds and speak to your doctor. They need the full picture, even if itâs messy. (Especially then.)
đ§ââď¸ Move gently
Some swear by walking, but slow mindful wandering, noticing trees. Even a few laps around the living room, or stretching like a sleepy cat can provide relief. Movement can help shift the energy without fanning the flames.
â Ease off caffeine, booze, and all the fun poisons
Itâs tempting to numb the madness with a drink, or chase clarity with coffee – but most people find it makes things worse. As one commenter said, âAfter I quit alcohol, the mixed episodes lost their grip.â Caffeine can do the same thing. Try herbal tea. Or warm Ribena, if youâre feeling nostalgic.
đŽ Distract, distract, distract
Guitar. Minecraft. Puzzles. Painting angry blobs. World of Warcraft. Comedy shows youâve seen 20 times. Anything thatâs immersive, kind, and not too emotionally demanding can help create a mental buffer zone. You donât have to be productive – just gently occupied.
đ§ââď¸ Stay tethered to something real
One person described counting things in the room to ground themselves: five green objects, four blue, and three soft. Itâs not about âcuringâ the feeling – itâs about anchoring yourself while the storm rages.
đ Let someone in
Even if you feel unlovable, irrational, or scary – this is exactly the time to reach out. Text a friend. Message a support group. Sit next to someone in silence. You donât need the perfect words – just the human connection.
Speaking the Unspeakable
Mixed episodes are hard to explain. They defy language. But metaphors help – âItâs like having a foot on the brake and the accelerator at the same time.â Or âItâs like my brain is a swarm of bees and theyâre all angry.â
Writing things down, mood tracking, drawing, or whispering to someone trusted can help externalise what feels chaotic inside.
A Final Thought
Mixed episodes are not your fault. They arenât a reflection of your worth or your strength. They are a symptom of an illness – a loud and horrible one – but they do pass. They always pass.
One person said, âWhen Iâm in a mixed episode, I just tell myself: donât do anything permanent with a temporary feeling.â That stuck with me.
So if youâre in it right now, hold on. Keep breathing. Keep moving slowly. Keep telling people what you can. You are not alone in this madness, and there is a calm coming.
Important Information: This post was informed by the personal experiences of the author and supplemented by stories shared in the bipolar community, including Reddit forums (r/bipolar, r/bipolar2) and mental health publications. Thank you to those who speak their truth so others can feel less alone.
Photo by Alexander Startsev on Unsplash